Our doctor’s appointment was still several weeks away, scheduled for November 29th. We were getting antsy with Frank Adoption and wanted to get on their schedule. 99% of our information was submitted to them, the lone exception being the medicals. Regardless, Frank Adoption was holding true to their word and would not set up appointments until they had 100% of the documentation. Ugh. A total of four interviews would be needed for China, and the further out the first one was set only meant the entire process was pushed accordingly.
Finally, the last Wednesday in the month rolled around. Rose and I headed up to the doctor’s office, just outside the City of Westminster. There’s a little airport next door, but heck if we knew whether Cessnas were circling in the clouds – we were so excited and singularly focused.
We signed in and sat down for the obligatory doctor’s office wait, and you know what – it wasn’t long at all! We headed back for a kind of physicals-in-stereo thing. The goal was to have as much of the two forms (one for Frank, one for AGCI) completed as possible. It was discovered a few days back we would not get everything done and notarized that evening because blood test results would not be available; actually, we wouldn’t go to the lab to get blood drawn until the next day. Why we couldn’t do that in advance I have no idea (note: said with a forced if not fake smile).
Though I seem to recall questions on the how to complete certain fields, things went well enough that evening; they were all super nice and very accommodating due to the adoption. And if you want to know what a very average guy’s metric height and weight are they’re 1.72 meters and 77 kilograms.
Before leaving we went through all the different scenarios with the office manager – “Okay, if the results come back Monday, we’ll do this. Now if they aren’t ready until Tuesday it is that which we’ll do.” Whatever, we settled on a this-n-that situation…for Wednesday, since it was the best way to ensure lining up our doctor, the office manager, Rose, and Katie, our notary.
The lab visit was prickly, which was to be expected. Now it was time again for me to needle Frank Adoption. Success was not found just three days prior with a call to the Executive Director, but I’m a glutton for punishment, and also quite capable of going into head-cocked-to-the-right-like-a-Labrador-because-I’m-perplexed mode (sans the drooling). The following email was sent:
Hello Martha,
Thank you for taking my call earlier this week and
reviewing our home study progress. This email is intended to provide
further update, as well as ask for your kind consideration to place our first
visit on the schedule during the week of December 11th.
Our understanding is that our home visits/interviews can begin once our medical
forms are submitted to your office. I am excited to present the following
update:
Medical forms for our children will be completed by tomorrow (Friday)
Physicals completed last night (Rose and me)
Visited the lab for blood work this morning (Rose and me)
Results will delivered to our doctor by Monday (Dec 4)
Medical forms for Rose and me will be completed Wednesday (Dec 6)
All Medical forms (parents/children) will be delivered to Frank Adoption via FedEx no later than Friday, Dec 8th (*possibly earlier*)
This home study is the current priority for our family, and the resulting documentation will be sent to CIS in order to obtain our Favorable Determination Letter. All other dossier paperwork is complete.
Rose and I appreciate your time and consideration for enabling us to work with Karen as soon as reasonable. Thank you again for your concern and care of our home study.
Sincerely,Demian Seeley
Okay, there was a little sugar on top, but not much, and the point was made. We simply could not imagine (that’s correct, there was no capacity within the contents of our craniums to conjure any cause) why we couldn’t get on the darn calendar. The Christmas season was pending and Daddy wanted a new pair of shoes!
Martha relented, I’m still exhausted to say. It shouldn’t have had to be that hard. But, hey, we had our first home study visit penned in for December 15th. Hallelujah!
I want to say the schedule above played out to a tee, and it did; yet not before an unexpected call to Rose on Monday the 4th. Rose called me at work highly upset. There were three tests “out of range,” one of which was her leukocyte esterase. I’m not just a layman, but a dumb layman – and a caring husband to boot. That leukocyte thing was too close to the word leukemia. Fortunately another urinalysis showed all was well, and it was a false alarm. Nonetheless, those were long hours of wait.
On the morning of December 15th we were all showered, hair combed, and smelling pretty – there was so much excitement, it was hard to contain ourselves. Peeking through the curtains every so often to see if our social worker had arrived didn’t make the time go any quicker, nor make us feel any better come to think of it. But then – THEN (goodness, can you imagine what’ll it’ll be like with later, much greater milestones?) – Karen’s car pulled into the driveway. “Places everyone!”
That last exclamation serves only to describe how we felt, not how we were acting. By far, adopting was and is momentous movement for our family. You become enveloped with idea you must be perfect, which is hard to do – since we are not.
We settled in at the dining room table. Karen was very kind, of course, and did not have the aforementioned expectations of us. With her notepad out and pen in hand, we essentially went through a gentle Joe Friday routine to start off, providing her with all the vital information about Rose and me, and our family. Nearly all of the answers it seemed were already in the completed application sent to Frank Adoption; but if this helped solidify those earlier responses and generate content for the home study report, wonderful. Plus it was counting as a visit!
Next Karen interviewed me alone, so Rose and the kids needed to move downstairs for that period. There was some more factual information provided, as well as a couple personal questions. A few of the inquiries, though, seem to get to the heart of the matter, which in my estimation was to confirm whether I was on board with this adoption. Both at the time and in hindsight that is an appreciated angle. It is critical for a couple to come to the adoption decision prayerfully and jointly – pressure from one side or the other is not helpful and is not acceptable. One can only imagine a case where the husband goes along with his wife though he may be unsure of his commitment. The social worker’s insight is then invaluable.
Last up on the agenda was to schedule the next appointment. Back at the dining room table we looked at the calendar. “How about Monday?” I asked. While the very next business day was already booked, Karen was good for the following Friday, December 22nd. Rose would meet her in Frederick at a coffee shop of something and they’d knock out her one-on-one.
It was a good morning and we were thankful for that. Our gratitude did not, however, preclude me from pressing for getting the other two visits booked, as well as checking into “how this will play out” from home study report generation. We hit a wall quickly here. Karen wasn’t sure about the next dates, nor could she piece together a timeframe. That was peculiar to us. People are easy to read, and I didn’t like what I was reading – something was funny, and it wasn’t of the “hah, hah” variety. I pressed further.
The next thing we learn…is that Martha’s (the Executive Director) last day is the coming Wednesday, December 20th. While that news wasn’t devastating, it was no doubt disappointing that a courtesy call hadn’t been made to us.
The other thing we learned (note to self: don’t ask questions unless you want to hear the answers) was that Karen had just become a very part-time contractor because…she had taken a job with another organization. Upon her resignation from Frank Adoption, Karen essentially agreed to complete the few remaining cases she had, with us being one of them. Karen stressed our case would not fall to the side. With next Friday scheduled, we could reasonably piece together a picture where our home study would be done by the end of January.
Regardless of any Pollyannaish thoughts we tried to force in our head, it was uncomfortably clear we now had a problem with focus, and it needed to be managed. A call was made to Martha to discuss her departure. We hit voicemail, so a follow up email was sent stating we appreciated Karen’s time, and that we wanted to discuss whether there was anything we should know that “would impact our family positively or negatively.” Moreover, we requested the contact information for her replacement.
Life is busy and Wednesday the 20th came without notice, without a call or email from Martha, and without us following up with her on Monday or Tuesday.
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